The "Phenomenon" of Grace
Do you have a “head-knowledge” of Grace or do you actually receive it, even whilst the devil keeps reminding you of your unworthiness?
A mere few weeks ago God started speaking to me about GRACE. It happened while in church, during worship. I was not emotionally swept up, my eyes were not closed, and I was not especially focused on Him.
WHAT!?
Yes, it happens to me sometimes. I was casually singing along while reading the lyrics on the screen. A song I know very well and listen to often: “Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Christ…Leave behind your regret and mistakes” (O Come to the Altar, Elevation Worship).
Bear with me. I’m not a writer and tend to write as I speak: just as it pops into my mind. No shame. Just brace you yourself.
Let’s back up the truck a mile or so (a lot further). As the Holy Spirit so gently reminded me, I had always lived by the Law*. My awesome pastors, among many others, have enlightened me of Grace, the UNMERITED (= not deserved) favor of God over the years – still I had only a head-knowledge of this “phenomenon”, and a longing to truly know how to live by it. It just had always seemed too far for me to reach that level of acceptance from God. Yes, as crazy as it sounds, I, starting my journey to know God 16 years ago, just then realized I still believed I hindered God’s grace to settle on me. I’m a “doer.” It’s how I was raised, it’s what I’ve known. I make things happen. Because if I don’t, who will?
LET'S FACE IT: I'M NO SAINT.
Ermagerrrd. I mess up all the time. All. The. Time. I catch myself speeding, get mad at my amazing husband (WHAT is wrong with me!), have an attitude with God (oy!), am ungrateful. I whine…over stupid stuff…I worry, worry, worry, when God tells me NOT to. Again I ask: WHAT is wrong with me? If people only knew how much I mess up…I don’t deserve to call myself a Christian. Am I one of those hypocrite Christians who show this perfect front (ok, you who know me – you can stop laughing now) but am truly someone who is a complete failure?
MY CONVERSATION WITH GOD.
So forward back to this day in church, no focus…just casually reading the captions on the screen, God says to me “so what?”.
HUH?
The conversation in my heart that followed wasn’t necessarily in words as much as in visions and understanding, but if I were to put it into words for you it would be something like this:
God: Why are you continuously thinking about the debts you have, the house
you don't have, the big ginormous humongous super-duper big mountain
you’re facing and the failures in your past?
me: I didn’t know I was…? Was I?
God: Oh yeah. All. The. Time. Seriously girl (lovingly), don’t you know I gotchu?
Right around here, there’s something happening inside of me that can’t be explained in words. No emotion, no fireworks…just all of a sudden complete content (=in a state of peaceful happiness). Complete content where I am, issues and all.
me: Whoa.
God: Mmm-hmm.
me: I’ve read about this. I’ve heard other people talk about this. I have longed
for this. I don’t know that I truly believed I could have this.
God: This, my Love, is Grace.
me: It's even better than I imagined. Like, who SO WHAT if I don't ever own a
home again. WHO CARES? I so don't care (I truly didn't and still don't).
And you know what, God, I don't even care about the big ginormous
humongous super-duper big mountain I'm facing, because You are so
much bigger than that! Like, there's no comparison. What was I even
THINKING stressing about that (rolling my eyes to myself). And past
failures? WHAT PAST FAILURES? I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER!
A few minutes of complete silence.
God: BTW, you DO know you are a saint, right?
me: Yes! Yes! Sorry, YES! THANK YOU!!!
LETTING GO OF CONTROL
Over the next few days, the Holy Spirit continued to show me how yes, I had given over a good amount of the control of making things happen over the last few years to Him, except for one major area…my mind. Suddenly it became clear how, no matter what I was doing: having fun with my family, working, or in church, I was intent on not completely enjoying myself or being 100% happy because of the struggles and issues in my life.
Woah. That's deep.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the lie that I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve grace. My sweet MIL handed me the book “Fervent” inspired by the movie “War Room” by Priscilla Shirer this morning and told me to read pages 90-99. The first thing I see, written in the margin:
The devil is trying to get us to stop “celebrating God’s grace.”
Then, the further words of truth piercing my heart:
If I were your enemy, I’d constantly remind you of your
past mistakes and poor choices. I’d want to keep you burdened
by shame and guilt, in hopes that you’ll feel incapacitated by
your many failings and see no point in even trying again. I’d
work to convince you that you’ve had your chance and blown
it—that your God may be able to forgive some people for some
things, but not you…not for this.
The book goes on to say (CAPS added):
Using your forgiven past to poke holes in your future. But that’s
exactly what the enemy does. He absolutely loves living in the
past. In YOUR past. In MY past. And why not? Some of his best
opportunities to sabotage our potential comes from here.
First, GOD DOESN'T LIVE IN THE PAST. Because God—your God—exists outside of time. To Him, the past that so haunts and hamstrings you, the past that so ruffles and frustrates you, IS NOT IN THE PAST AT ALL.
In prayer, you are alone with a GOD WHO SEES YOU ONLY AS YOU ARE AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SINCE THAT BEAUTIFUL MOMENT WHEN YOU PLACED FAITH IN HIM --HOLY, RIGHTEOUS, AND BLAMELESS; PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE. He forgives your guilt, removes your shame, and declares His work an established, ALL-THE-TIME FACT. Prayer does a complete end run around Satan’s pitiful accusations ushering us into an eternal realm with God where "THE PAST" DOESN'T EVEN COMPUTE.
Right?
PRAISE REPORT
It’s funny how God does things, a lot of times, so it speaks to us and ministers to us way more than just by receiving the blessing in itself. For me, this time, it was that fact that I did NOTHING. I was merely standing in church, reading some words, making no effort and God just downloaded GRACE into the very core of my heart, my soul and whole being in a way and to the depth I have never experienced before.
A few days ago I was offered a business opportunity by someone who has never seen my work (not real estate), just heard in roundabout ways that people liked it and just trusted it enough to invite me into their precious space. I told my husband and my mother in-law, “I didn’t even PRAY about it, I just accepted the offer right on the spot, surprise as it came. I just knew that it was God.” I know it may sound crazy, but it was like God didn’t even have me DO anything HERE, even in the form of a physical prayer, because I had already prayed in my heart that His will be done and that he would lead me and I had already told Him I don’t want to do anything that He is not part of. He is clearly, so clearly showing me GRACE.
Also recently, we received an unheard of favor with a creditor of a huge debt that has been hanging over us for years and caused many sleepless nights, stiff necks and headaches. Only because I felt the urge to get on the phone, even though we had been denied in the past. GRACE.
Doors are opening, situations are resolved, wounds are healed, the cracks are filled in with the Grace of God and making us stronger than ever before.
FOR YOU
I have an urge to always share when I find something of value. This is one of the biggest diamonds I’ve received. Ever.
Grace is unearned. Unmerited. Unexplained. I’ve always wanted it, but could never attain it. No matter how much I STRIVED to understand it. Then, it just happened.
Yesterday at church Donna Pisani said, and I’m paraphrasing:
You can’t out-sin God’s grace over you.
Do you believe that? Do you believe that His grace is big enough for you (2 Cor. 12)? Do you believe that the “Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us….full of grace and truth” (John 1:14)?
If you believe that Jesus came to take on the sin of everyone – past and present – and died as the final sacrificial lamb, The Lamb, so that you would be forgiven….then believe this:
The grace that God has already bestowed on you IS ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT. When the devil is whispering memories of past failures to you, BE INTENTIONAL IN SPEAKING THE TRUTH OF THE FUTURE. Whether those failures were 20 years ago, yesterday, 2 minutes ago, or all of the above.
Finally, believe this: YOU ARE WORTH IT. Or He wouldn’t have sacrificed himself for you. And that, we know He did.
If you remember one thing, remember this: The devil tries to get us to stop celebrating God’s grace. Don't let him.
ps. To catch Capital City Church's LIVE on Sunday mornings, go here . If you missed it, don't worry, you can find the audio recordings here.
*In the Old Testament we learn that in order to be forgiven of their sins, people brought their sacrifice to the priests. Although “…it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins (Hebrews 10:4)” I’m guessing it was a ritual helping them to believe in the promise of the Lamb of God to come (?) that did. Either way, there was still “works” on the part of man involved. Read about the Law and Grace here.
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